


A Silence Full of Sound

by Camelittle



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Dancing, Dancing Lessons, Deaf Character, Disability, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, loss of hearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-05
Updated: 2018-01-05
Packaged: 2019-02-28 18:11:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13277070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Camelittle/pseuds/Camelittle
Summary: Struggling to adjust to his hearing loss, Arthur joins his Deaf friend Merlin at a dance class. The idea that Deaf people can dance strikes him as odd at first. But then he tries a few tentative steps, and finds a whole new world opening up.





	A Silence Full of Sound

**Author's Note:**

> Written for my "loss of hearing" hurt/comfort bingo square. Capital "D" references to Deaf people are deliberate attempts to reflect the characters' identity as part of Deaf culture https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deaf_culture
> 
> Rated teen and up for mild profanity.
> 
> Maybe one day I'll publish a prequel...

 

> _"Deafness is not the opposite of hearing. Deafness is a silence full of sound"_

> ~~Mark Medoff, Children of a Lesser God

 

 

When Arthur looked back on everything, he wasn’t really sure how he got here. Not literally: obviously, Merlin’s sister drove him to the studio on her way to work. More like metaphorically, as in the journey of his recovery. And not really his physical recovery, either, although in the heat of combat of course his injuries were the most obvious part of it. But long after his visible wounds had healed, his internal pain lingered and worsened. After all, post-traumatic stress coupled with profound hearing loss was a potent and explosive mixture in a man who had always been taught to be self-sufficient and never to complain. And the guilt that came with his sexuality crisis and subsequent infidelity just added the despairing icing to his depressed-Arthur cake.

So, after all that, it was hard to believe how far he had come, when he thought about where he started: broken, guilty, and furious. For that journey, he had Gaius to thank. Gaius and Morgana, who had never given up on him. And Gwen. Poor Gwen. Of course. He should thank her as well, for putting up with all his shit for so long. She didn’t deserve what he had put her through. Now, with the benefit of time and hindsight, now that therapy had lanced his swollen boil of self-hatred and confusion, he could put away his misdirected anger and wish sincerely for her every happiness.

Yes, Gaius, and Morgana, and Gwen. And Merlin. Merlin beyond all of them, to be honest. And Gaius, for bringing Merlin to him when he needed him most. Not that he’d known that at the time.

“Coming?” Merlin signed. “Or are you just going to stand there like a clotpole.” The vigorous way that Merlin signed the word “clotpole” never failed to raise a dopey smile.

Impatient, sarcastic, and full of mischief, Merlin was the rock by his side, firm and unmoving through all Arthur’s struggles with the physical and mental demons that plagued him. Seeing Arthur at his very lowest point, Merlin brought him into the Deaf community, taught him British Sign Language, and introduced him to a range of quirky and interesting people who welcomed Arthur simply because Merlin told them that they should. People like Freya, Merlin's activist sister, and Will, Merlin's school friend. And he hadn't stopped there, either; thanks to Merlin, several surviving members of Arthur's unit were also now learning sign language. Who knew, maybe Leon would join them at dance class one day?

Above anything else, in Merlin’s company Arthur rediscovered the precious gift of laughter. Not just the back-slapping, comrades-in-arms type laughter that got soldiers through months of tough training, nor the gallows humour that sustained them through combat, either. No, Merlin brought him the sort of genuine, surprised, joyous, life-altering belly-laughs that drew away the weight of the clouds that oppressed him, and filled his life with light.

There were still dark days, of course. There always would be. But somehow the knowledge that the light would return reduced the power of the darkness. While Merlin had brought him that light, now he knew that it would always burn in him, whatever happened.

What a gift that was.

Merlin reached out a hand, which Arthur took. Together, they stepped over the threshold into the brightly lit dance studio.

One wall was lined with floor to ceiling mirrors, while the other three all bore wooden ballet rails. A beaming dance instructor turned as they entered. She was standing barefoot upon the wooden floor, with a large, portable sound system by her side. She had a wide, friendly smile and an unruly mane of blonde hair that cascaded in thick curls around her head. Merlin stepped forward and hugged her, then beckoned Arthur forward, introducing him with a few economic movements of his hands.

“Hi! I’m Elena!” she signed.

“Hi Elena.” Arthur’s sign language was still clumsy compared to his Deaf friends, but with all the time he spent with Merlin it was getting better every day. And he could follow it tolerably well, especially if people took their time to talk to him one to one. He couldn’t follow a conversation between two Deaf people, but when they addressed him slowly and directly he understood much of what they said. Of course, he misunderstood a lot too, which Merlin found hilarious.

“Welcome, Arthur!” signed Elena. “It’s just us, today. Just the three of us. A private lesson. Merlin thought…” she finished by signed something that Arthur didn’t quite follow. He frowned, following her fingers.

Thankfully, Merlin seemed always to know when he having trouble interpreting signs.

“Easier, clotpole!” signed Merlin in the sort of exaggerated gestures that made Arthur feel a bit like a child. “She said you would find that easier.”

Arthur scowled, more out of principle at the experience of being patronised than anything else, trying but failing to ignore the way that this sent Merlin off into a peal of laughter. Damn the man, Merlin’s laughter was bloody infectious. Arthur couldn’t help it. His lips started to twitch and a mirthful huff escaped him despite himself.

Elena giggled and pointed at Arthur’s shoes.

“Off!” she signed.

Obediently, he toed off his trainers to stand in the Deaf Santa socks that Merlin had got for him for Christmas.

Bending forward, Elena flicked a switch on the portable sound system.

“Can you feel it?” She pointed to his feet.

Arthur closed his eyes for a moment. Sure enough, there was a rhythmic throb beneath his soles. His eyes flew open. 

“Yes!” he signed, with an incredulous grin. “I feel it!”

The vibrations started in his heels and if he concentrated they extended right up into his rib cage, into his skull, over-riding the constant high-pitched whistle of his god-damned tinnitus, until he could begin to _feel_ the music. 

“OK! Great!” She started to clap, and Merlin followed her.

After a moment or two, with hesitation at first and then increasing confidence, Arthur did likewise, just clapping along to the rhythm that he could feel through his feet.

“Great! Carry on!” signed Elena. “Copy me! Ready?”

Arthur put both thumbs up.

Elena started to move her body along with the beat they clapped together. Arthur watched her in the mirror. The movements involved her whole body, from her feet through her hips and back to her arms and head. It was intensely visual, and suddenly Arthur began to understand how a Deaf person could dance.

In the next part of the lesson, first Merlin and then Arthur tried to copy each sequence of movements that she patterned for them. Merlin was all limbs, stiff-hipped, lacking balance, and floppy in his core. She patiently corrected his stance, repeating the moves, slowly at first and then increasing the tempo.

Arthur, in contrast, just couldn’t work out how to make his hips snake like hers, let alone whip his head around to follow his shoulders.

“It’s impossible,” he muttered out loud. He frowned in concentration as he tried to shift the angle of his feet, and failed.

“Practice makes perfect,” she signed. “Again!”

“What’s the point?” Arthur was on the edge of giving up when he spotted Merlin, out of the corner of his eye, signing something lewd that he didn’t recognise, but nevertheless found no difficulty in interpreting as a deliberate disparagement of Arthur’s abilities. From somewhere deep inside, a spark of indignant competitiveness prompted him to settle back into position and wait for her cue.

To his shock, after a few tries, he was beginning to get the hang of the sequence. 

By the end of the session, he felt an absurd sense of triumph as he and Merlin both stumbled through a simple one-minute routine, albeit amid much laughter and and mutual jibing. Elena high-fived them both and gathered up her things with a winsome grin, and bustled out of the room. She was barely out of breath.

In contrast, both men were flushed, panting and damp with exertion. Merlin’s cheeks were pink and his hair clumped upon his head. He looked ridiculous. Arthur couldn’t help the fond grin that quirked his lips when he gazed upon this vision.

“What?” signed Merlin.

“You look like a surprised rabbit!”

“Well, you look like a pompous clotpole!”

Merlin’s lips were full and red, drawn up in a teasing smile that made Arthur’s heart do flip-flops. Arthur didn’t want to ruin anything about this amazing and healing friendship, but his sudden compulsion could not be denied. Without thought, and at the prompting of his heart, Arthur bent forward and pressed his lips to Merlin’s mouth. To Merlin’s lips, which were just as plump and soft as he had always imagined.

Merlin froze for a second, eyes wide and startled and very, very blue.

Arthur drew back, opening his mouth to issue an apology. But before he could remember the signs, Merlin grasped his head between two hands and started kissing him right back. Kissing him with a sudden and bruising intensity that drove all thoughts of combat and grief and deafness and apology and pain clean out of his mind, leaving him only with a sense of urgency and delight.

And the kiss, like the music, made him smile all over. 

 

*

End

*

**Author's Note:**

> Not my characters, I'm not getting paid. 
> 
> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deaf_culture
> 
> Merlin regards himself as a member of the Deaf community, hence the capital D.


End file.
